


Secrets We'll Keep

by BroadwayItBitch



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamorous Losers Club (IT), Polyamory, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 17:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16068269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BroadwayItBitch/pseuds/BroadwayItBitch
Summary: Eddie can't take it anymore. He’s been feeling this for a long time. He can’t tell the Losers. They’d think that he’s overreacting.





	Secrets We'll Keep

**Author's Note:**

> This was something. It was really emotional for me to write, because I did go through something like this. But overall, I'm very proud of it.
> 
> TW: Self-harm.

You’re worthless. You’re a fuck up. No one loves you. Everyone hates you.

 

That’s what Eddie’s feeling. He’s been feeling this for a long time. He can’t tell the Losers. They’d think that he’s overreacting.

 

‘Just put that fucking fake smile on and pretend you’re okay,’ he thinks to himself.

 

Eddie, and his partners were going to the quarry today. Not to swim, but just to hang. He should get through the day without an problems. He gets a text from Bev saying that they were there to pick him up. Eddie heads out of his house to Mike’s van.

 

“Hey, Eddie,” Ben greets.

 

“Hi,” Eddie mumbles.

 

“How are you?” Stan asks.

 

“Fine,” Eddie replies.

 

“C’mon in, bub,” Mike says, “Bill, let Eddie take shotgun.”

 

“No, it’s okay,” Eddie says, getting in the car and sitting in between Richie and Ben.

 

“Everything okay, love?” Ben asks.

 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Eddie gives the fake smile.

 

They get to the quarry and they park the van in the parking lot. They unbuckle themselves and they unload the trunk, getting the picnic blanket. The Losers make it to their meeting point and Mike sets the blanket on the ground.

 

“Have a seat, everyone,” Mike calls out, and his lovers lie down on the blanket.

 

“And courtesy of Wentworth and Margaret Tozier, I have tequila!” Richie yells, taking out two bottles of alcohol.

 

“Nice, Richie!” Bill praises, kissing Richie on the cheek. His stutter had been dying down a lot, and all of the Losers were proud of him.

 

“Is that really a good idea?” Eddie speaks up.

 

“C’mon, Eds, lighten up a little!” Richie exclaims, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig. He passes it to Bev. The bottle goes around to each of the Losers and when it’s passed to Ben, Eddie hesitates taking it.

 

“You don’t need to have a drink, honey. Your choice,” Ben says, but Eddie rips the bottle from Ben’s hands and taking four gulps.

 

“Whoa! Eddie, careful,” Bev says. Eddie passes the bottle back to Richie, his sleeve riding up his arm a bit.

 

“You good, Spaghetti?” Richie asks.

 

“Fine,” Eddie says firmly.

 

“You sure?” Mike asks, putting his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, but the shorter boy smacks it away.

 

“Don’t touch me!” Eddie screams and runs away.

 

“Eddie! Wait!” Bill calls out, but Eddie ignores him.

 

Eddie makes it back home in nearly five minutes, probably the fastest he’s ever run. He slams the front door. Luckily his mom isn’t home, she’s visiting her sister in Portland.

 

‘C’mon, relax, Kaspbrak, calm the fuck down,’ Eddie thinks.

 

He runs upstairs and goes into the bathroom.

 

‘You fucked up. You just ruined your outing. Piece of trash. You fucked up.’

 

Eddie rummages through the drawers and takes out a razor blade, the metal cold against his fingers.

 

‘They don’t love you. They hate you.’

 

He rolls up his sleeves and without hesitation, he starts slicing his wrists, on either unharmed skin or healed scars. The blood starts pooling.

 

‘You fucked up. You fucked up.’

 

When there wasn’t any more room on his arms, he moved to his thighs. Eddie took off his jeans and started hacking away. His eyes started to well up in tears.

 

“Eddie! Where are you?!” A feminine voice called out. It was Bev, but he stayed quiet. There is a knock at the door, “Eddie, are you in there? Let us in!”

 

Eddie wonders what he should do. On one hand, if he doesn’t let them in, they might leave. But if he does, they might think Eddie is crazy.

 

“Eddie, we only wanna help you,” Another voice speaks, probably Mike.

 

“It’s… it’s unlocked,” Eddie says weakly. The Losers open the door.

 

“O-o-oh my God!” Bill stutters when he sees the blood.

 

“Holy shit!” Stan yells, sitting in front of Eddie, “Eds, babe, can you hear us? Yes or no?”

 

Eddie nods his head weakly, “Tired…”

 

“Don’t fall asleep, love, we’re right here,” Ben says, taking one of Eddie’s hands.

 

“Mike, grab some bandages from the closet. Richie, get the disinfectant,” Stan orders. Mike and Richie leave the room, but are back in no time with what Stan asked them to get.

 

“We got them,” Mike says, and sets the supplies next to Stan.

 

“Thanks,” Stan replies, grabbing the cotton balls from the counter and soaks it in the disinfectant.

 

“Stanny…” Eddie mumbles.

 

“I’m right here, don’t worry,” Stan reassures. He takes the cotton ball and starts dabbing it onto Eddie’s arm.

 

“Hurts…”

 

“I know, baby, I know,” Richie says. Stan submerges another cotton ball in disinfectant and dabs at Eddie’s thighs.

 

“We’re almost done, Eddie, I just need to bandage you up,” Stan says, grabbing the roll of gauze bandages. Mike places a kiss on Eddie’s forehead.

 

“You’re okay,” Mike says. Stan wraps the bandages around Eddie’s arms and legs and tapes them in place.

 

“Bev, Bill, can you take Eddie to his room?” Stan asks.

 

“C’mon, hon,” Bev says, and Bill scoops Eddie up into his arms. Bill and Bev make it to his room, and sets him on the bed.

 

“Bevvie…” Eddie mumbles,

 

“It’s okay, I’m here,” Bev holds Eddie’s hand.

 

Soon, the other Losers (Richie, Mike, Stan and Ben) walk into the room.

 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says.

 

“D-don’t be sorry, love,” Bill says.

 

“What’s going on, babe?” Mike asks.

 

“Don’t push him, Mike. He’s really vulnerable right now,” Stan says.

 

“You’ll hate me,” Eddie says.

 

“No, we won’t,” Ben replies.

 

“Guys, let’s leave him be,” This scares Eddie.

 

“No! No! Don’t leave!” He stands up and collapses into Mike’s arms.

 

“Shh… I’ve got you, honey. We’re not going anywhere,” Mike says, rubbing Eddie’s back.

 

“Don’t leave…” Eddie says.

 

“We’re not leaving, love,” Bev whispers.

 

“We love you so much, baby boy. So, so much,” Ben says.

 

“It’s so hard, guys. I feel… useless,” Eddie confesses.

 

“Oh, baby…” Stan coos. “How long have you felt this way?”

 

“Years…” Eddie hesitates, and all of their hearts just break.

 

Mike kisses his forehead as Stan kisses Eddie’s cheeks.

 

“Do you hate me?”

 

“No, we could never hate you,” Richie says.

 

“We’re sorry for not noticing, hon,” Bev says. “We’re so sorry.”

 

“Thanks. For everything,” Eddie says.

 

“You are so welcome, baby,” Bill says, his stutter disappearing again.

 

“Rest up, baby-love, you seem like you need it,” Stan comments. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

Eddie seems to fall asleep instantly. He lost a lot of blood. All of his partners watch him sleep and make sure that he‘s breathing. Eddie’s lucky he’s got such supportive lovers.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Let me know if you want a sequel.


End file.
